This is the question I ask myself
For the past 38 years of my journey, I have lived most of it as a single woman. I was raised to be well educated, striving to succeed despite my disability. If I delivered facts about anything, you sure as anything should bet I had to back up my resources. Being knowledgeable was more important than creating a family. Somehow Sunday afternoons watching football or play dates with other mommies were just something our family didn’t really do.
I’m not sure if it was due to mental illness or just lack of how to participate in what was “normal”. It was put in my mind at an early age that I needed to get into college, find a good job, then I could figure the rest out. Funny thing about life is how fast it all happens. One day you are writing colleges and pray to be accepted then all of a sudden you’re trying to pay off college debt with a job that barely covers rent. When did this happen?
Ever since I was in high school, a part of my soul wanted nothing more than to be a good wife and have kids. I wasn’t sure how to go about dating, but I fumbled through those awkward moments somehow. Through talking to men, I discovered who I was and what I wanted out of a relationship. Like usual, life happens and would lead me in strange new directions. It was not until my 30’s I was on a mission to marry. Que Mission Impossible music here.
I began to network like crazy. I would ask friends, friends of friends, and even strangers off the street! I was a member of so many dating websites (if one comes to mind, I was probably a member). My pastor was even on the look-out for eligible men. I went on dates and was in a few really terrible relationships until I gave up. Literally, I was done, nope, no more men, check please I’m out of here. Then he walked into my life.
“You find the ONE when you stop looking”
I always laughed when I heard people say this. I stopped looking for years and still nothing. I would relax or take action. Praying, praying, praying. “Hello GOD? It’s me again”. So what was so special about this time?
Let me set the stage, I was seeing this guy off a dating website for about two months who enjoyed my company but did not want to date me. It was late February and I did not want to face the cold winter alone. This relationship was not for me and I just wanted to stop with the searching to have fun. One day, I was sent this friend request on Facebook, one of many from men overseas. How many people can relate? Honestly, it took me about a month to respond… He was different though. One of his mutual friends was a pastor I was following so I took a chance. It was whispered onto my heart “Just one more, trust me”.
This man from Brazil began to talk to me about a guitar. What did I know of Brazilian guitars? NOTHING! But he wanted to keep me talking and so we did every day, every night. Days passed into weeks into months and then into a year. He had tried to visit me, but was not able to so I decided to go to him. The Olympics were happening and the visa was waived. That was the chance I was looking for so I took off on an adventure!
Long distance relationships can work and become marriages.
With so many failed relationships, I wanted to take that chance. Over the course of two years, we have gone through things most couples will never have to deal with. Sure we had some support from family but our strength came from prayer. When I was in Brazil, we were prophesied over in magnitudes that don’t even seem possible, but they happened. God was opening a door and we had to go forward.
There are ways of making it work and it comes down to the people involved.
Having a goal and an end in sight is essential. We both wanted marriage and children, this was made clear in the beginning. I do not know if my body is able to create life, but that is for another blog. We talk, we pray, we have our moments but they give us more strength for tomorrow.
Reading is invaluable to building a marriage
We read articles together and separately along with studying the Bible. We listen to mentors who speak love and are helpful. Like anything in life, you cannot stop learning. Stopping learning means we begin to die. Speak life and open a book!
The Bible speaks of many relationships and the trials they faced. If you think you are alone in your struggle, you are not. Read about people who have gone through mountains of doubt and struggle to succeed. There are a few books that come to mind when I think about my relationship with my fiancé. Every day we are given the opportunity to talk about them or to recommend an article we feel would help the other person.
Why is marriage so important in a world of hook ups?
Fast food relationships are a dime a dozen and believe me I’ve been in a few. You find something that looks good for the moment and see where the day takes you only to end up with indigestion. They are never satisfying and always temporary. In fact, over time, they do a lot of damage in ways that I did not realize. Distrust, skepticism, and barriers were a part of how I viewed relationships. Those needed to be destroyed in order for me to let true love into my world.
I wanted something that would last longer than the latest reality show.
I wanted to wake up old and wrinkly with joint pain and memory loss to see someone by my side who smiles to me and says “Good morning beautiful”. I dreamed of picking up dirty towels and dirty diapers. I wanted to build a future of joy to have the next generation filled with a blessed example of what love is. So many generations of my family have had pain. I wanted to break with tradition.
Committing to one person does come with its ups and downs.
At the end of the day as I lay my head on my pillow, I am at peace with the direction that was given to me. I cannot express how amazing that feeling inside my heart is knowing I have a future with a man whom I love so crazy that I’m willing to travel the world to find him.
I am not ready to be a bridezilla but to have a celebration for a new beginning
As I plan our wedding mostly due to the fact that this is my home field advantage and my family live closer, I am seeing what it is I want from this experience. Yes I want a pretty dress, nice heels, and some bling, but most important are those who surround our union to the next chapter. We are planning on having another event in Brazil in a few years as well.
Compromise, dedication, and love are all part of growing a relationship.
I get it that some people are not ready to say “I do”, but don’t completely rule it out of the possibilities. Let your heart be open to new joys and not fast food romances. Be happy with being single, live life fully alive, and have something in your life bigger than your next pair of shoes. Trust me on this one. You never know who may walk into your life.