Becoming that beautiful person is very real and very possible.
Looking in the mirror after a long shower, I did not recognize my own reflection. Who was this woman in front of me? I used to be so active, starving myself, pushing to the point of passing out. Now, look at me. Is this a beautiful daughter of God and the strong woman I dreamed of as a child?
I was sick, tired, and hating myself when words were spoken into my heart. I knew it was time to change my life around. The path that I was on only lead to a direction I was not willing to take at 26 years of age. No one should be facing such options that young. I knew I HAD to change.
The hardest part was…….starting
I was facing mountain high obstacles, but I refused to fall into this prison of my weight. I was 256 pounds! That is about where the clothing sizes vary by several inches. Stretch fabric was a friend of mine. On top of everything, I lived with enablers who felt sugar and fat were bandages to the soul.
Pro Tip: Sugar and Fat do not heal the soul, water and exercise do.
I went for it, I bought a workout DVD and started reading all that I could to get my life back. People have done this before. How hard could it be? Honestly, putting in the DVD for the first time and ACTUALLY moving along was the hardest part. I could barely lift my feet off the ground. Me! The one who could do these huge leaps across the stage with such ease could not lift her feet! This was not good and not tolerable. I kept moving one step up at a time.
Food is not your enemy, it is there to help you.
This is what I kept telling myself. Food heals and now that I’m making a commitment to stepping up for 15 minutes each day, I needed to slowly change my eating (not diet). Soda was the first thing to go, then extra portions, supersize muffins, fatty foods, and so on and so forth. I began to make my own bread, drink water, and eat healthy. This did not happen overnight by any means. It happens gradually as I rewired my brain to love myself and to accept food as medicine.
There was a moment that is such a victory for me. I was at the grocery store with an enabler and they asked if I wanted this huge 1200 calorie muffin. I stood my ground and said “NO”. This person began to cry and it broke my heart, but I held strong and had to walk away. I found it was these little victories that began to grow. Soon the first 10 pounds came off, then 25, 50, 75, 100! I had found that beautiful daughter of God again and was a woman to be proud of.
What happens when I reached my goal is not what you may think.
I would love to say that I kept all that weight off of me. The truth is, I didn’t. I gained about thirty pounds back. This is actually very natural as the body is readjusting to such a huge change. I was building solid muscle walking for miles and hula hooping. Due to other factors like stress, sedentary work environment, and routine (yes routine) my body decided to put on a few extra pounds. Often what I do is change things up to see if it works for me. My body is crying out for certain nutrients, activities, sleep and other factors. It is my job to work out what those are.
So what is the next step?
I often think about this question when I’m in the shower or alone on the bus. I went from this overweight girl living in poverty in rural American to a professional model/singer. Oh, did I mention I’m disabled? Yep, legally blind so packing up the car to go on a road trip is not on the horizon for me until I get a driver. If I could do this, you can too. Trust me on this one. When looking at that mountain in front of you, the urge to crawl back under the covers eating a half gallon mint and chip ice cream while running a Bate’s Motel marathon sounds like an excellent idea, that is the exact moment to throw off the blankets and get moving!
Want to know how to make homemade bread?